Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
