Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
