I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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