I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
