We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
