She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
