no, he came in my armpit
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
