I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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