Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize