Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
