So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
