i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Randomize
