Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
