I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
