if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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