saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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