So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
