And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
