U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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