I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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