it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize