just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
