You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
