He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
