If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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