eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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