You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
