I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
