Only a mothe r could love this liver
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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