Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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