I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
