batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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