I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
