I faked an abortion last night.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
