Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
