The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
