I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize