I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
A+ Viking dick
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
