Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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