margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
