he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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