I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
