He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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