i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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