It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
