where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
