I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
