Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
