she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
This is not my ceiling
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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