Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
