no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
