They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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