Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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