I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
