why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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