dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
