yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
