Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
