he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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