So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Randomize
