There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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