Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
