i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
