capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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