I'm jealous of your bromance
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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