her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize