just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She bit a glass in half.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
