my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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