the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
no you cant smoke seaweed
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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