Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We need to get me chipped asap
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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