Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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