I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
