So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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