And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
