The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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