i jhust puked up my retainher.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Can I color on your dick again?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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