I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
