there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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